Most couples go to therapy citing “communication problems,” but trauma therapist Curley Lawson reveals that communication is rarely the actual root of the issue.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The Communication Myth: Why “talking more” isn’t always the solution and what lies beneath the surface.

• Individual vs. Couples Therapy: Why you might not be ready for couples counseling yet.

• Relationship Maintenance: The “Live Orchid” analogy and why 1 hour a week can save your marriage.

• The Military Burden: How deployments and cultural messages like “work first, family second” impact veteran foundations.

• Navigating Resentment: How to stop the “two against one” dynamic in therapy and feel truly heard.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

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This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

This is Part 6 of a Series:

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Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

You’ve felt this struggle. Just by reading the title, you likely relate to it right now or have at some point in your life. If that’s you, keep reading.

We tend to judge ourselves with a ferocity we’d never turn on anyone else. You’ve heard the cliché that you are your own worst critic. As basic or “campy” as that sounds, it’s a fundamental truth we have to remind ourselves of constantly.

The Art of Stepping Away

I’ve started using a specific mental trick: the perspective of a stranger.

When I’m spiraling, I take whatever is upsetting me and pretend I’m hearing about a stranger with that exact problem. For some reason, removing my own ego from the equation allows me to give “the other person” much better advice.

I discovered this by accident, just talking out loud to myself one day. But since I turned it into a habit, my entire self-perception has shifted. I’ve realized that I am not broken; I was just off track.

What I thought was the end of my rope was actually the key to finding my wife and starting our family.

Beauty in the Broken

What I thought was “broken” in me actually saved me. For years, I tried to hide certain parts of myself, pushing them deeper inside.

As it turns out, those were the exact traits my wife fell in love with.

I’m not just here to gush about her (though she is incredibly cool). I’m here to tell you that there is hope in the hurt.

The Compassion Finding You

It can be a brutal world. The sooner you open your heart and start believing in that hope, the sooner it will find you.

That starts with compassion; not just for the people around you, but for the person looking back at you in the mirror.

There is a unique kind of beauty that only comes from being broken and putting the pieces back together.

Tighten your grip on that hope. It’s well worth the effort.

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In this episode Josh reunites with Trent from “Tino’s Time” for a powerful nine-month check-in.

Trent opens up about the “crippling anxiety” and mental hurdles he faced following a serious car accident with a semi-truck in October 2025.

Despite these challenges, his channel has seen explosive growth, nearing the 5,000 subscriber milestone just in time for his 5-year streaming anniversary and WrestleMania.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

🔗 Follow Trent https://youtube.com/@tinostime

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Win The Night

One Connection, One Story, One Conversation at a Time.

By Jake

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In Part Two of our conversation with Shelley Bee, creator of Middle-aged Mama Drama, we dive deeper into her life as a mother, starting with her experience of non-traditional motherhood as a single parent from age 33.

Shelley details the immense stress of juggling full-time work and caregiving, explaining how the resulting exhaustion led to emotional absence for her first child, contributing to an anxious preoccupied attachment style.

Shelley and Josh discuss the heavy reality of single motherhood and how the “survival mode” of juggling all of it applies.

We explore the direct impact this stress has on a child’s attachment style and why the “do it all” standard is a dangerous myth. This ties in to the surprising birth of her second child at 43, who was identified as having both dyslexia and ADHD, and the journey of pursuing early intervention like neuro-feedback.

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By Shelley Bee

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Win The Night

One Connection, One Story, One Conversation at a Time.

By Jake

Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

Website: https://winthenight.org

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In this deeply personal conversation, Josh sits down with Shelley Bee

Shelley is a licensed relational therapist, EFT practitioner, and the creator of Middle-aged Mama Drama!

Middle-Aged Mama Drama

By Shelley Bee

Shelley Bee shares her journey from a challenging childhood marked by parentification and low-income living to becoming a specialist in trauma and relationships.

This episode dives into the raw reality of the "wounded healer" concept, emphasizing that true therapeutic effectiveness requires deep, continued personal work to process one's own trauma—far beyond academic requirements.

🔗 Follow more of Shelley's story:

Shelley's Substack: https://shelleybee.substack.com

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

🔗 Follow more of our story:

Website: https://winthenight.org
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Trauma therapist Curley Lawson joins us to discuss the “fine print” of life—including why love sometimes means letting go.

From identifying “red flags” like emotional manipulation to understanding why healthy relationships require shared responsibility, this episode provides a roadmap for those ready to stop fighting for change and start living it.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

🔗 Follow more of our story:

Website: https://winthenight.org
Substack: https://winthenight.blog
Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

Edited by Froydinger: https://froydinger.com
Want help making a thumbnail like in this video? Ask Arc: https://askarc.chat

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

This is Part 5 of the Series:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

The conversation explores the profound loss of purpose many veterans face and the importance of finding a "new mission" through community service and mentorship.

They dip into the unique nature of military camaraderie—a bond forged by living and working together—and the challenges of replicating that connection in the civilian world.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

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Part 3:

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In Part 3 of his story, we sit down with trauma therapist and Air Force veteran Curley Lawson to pull back the curtain on the "human side" of therapy.

We discuss the raw reality of pet grief, the pivotal moments that lead a service member to hang up the uniform, and why genuine leadership requires more than just following rank.

From the lessons learned in nursing homes to the frustrations of military bureaucracy, this conversation is a crash course in finding purpose during life’s most difficult chapters.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

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Website: https://winthenight.org
Substack: https://winthenight.blog
Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

This publication is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

This is Part 3 of a 5 Part Series:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 4:

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

Part 5:

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In PART 2 of this multi-episode series, we continue our deep dive with Curley Lawson, an Air Force Veteran and trauma therapist.

Picking up from his decision to join the military, Curley explores the psychological shifts that occur from recruitment to active service and the profound impact of leadership on a soldier's development.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

🔗 Follow more of our story:

Website: https://winthenight.org
Substack: https://winthenight.blog
Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

This publication is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

Full stop. I am a firm believer that things happen every day that simply cannot be explained away by science, reason, or cold logic. Those singular moments that feel like genuine magic? I like to think they actually are. I’m writing this because I believe it’s vital context for the philosophy I’m about to lay out.

Life is defined by “Big Moments,” but they don’t always show up in the way people think.

They come in all shapes and sizes. Sure, sometimes it’s those huge monumental shifts... like marriages, deaths, moving into a new home, or a massive career leap.

Other times, it’s the quiet flickers of grace: the barista telling you the coffee is on the house, a coworker remembering your favorite snack and grabbing an extra bag from the vending machine, or the traffic suddenly clearing the moment you merge onto the highway.

These moments don’t exist in a vacuum.

The good and the bad compound; they stack.

We all live through distinct seasons, and you know them when you’re in them. There are months where you feel invincible and months where you feel invisible. If life moves in these rhythmic waves, it stands to reason that there is something behind it. There would need to be an external driving force, a cosmic momentum if you will.

For a long time, understanding that force was a hunger I couldn’t satisfy. I was obsessed with the “Why” and the “When.”

But eventually, I had to get real with myself and adopt a mindset that felt contradictory but necessary: You have to act like no one is coming to save you, even if you don’t fully believe it.

Some say the universe, some say it’s mother nature, personally, I think it’s God. Now, for those of you who are anti-church and anti-religion PLEASE stick with me here. I am very much someone who deconstructed and reconstructed my faith on my own terms. I promise I am the furthest from preachy.

In the beginning...

I grew up in the church. I grew up loving God, and I still do.

My relationship with Jesus is still central to who I am. But not central to what I talk about.

I suppose I’m in that camp of people who love the cause but have grown weary of the performance and harm of the church and the words they twist.

Nowadays, I am a believer of just being the best version of me that I can be and showing practical love through my actions. And then if people ask me why, I’ll share.

What I realized back then, however, was that the more I obsessed over the external force (in my case, God) the more I failed to understand the very nature of the faith I claimed to have.

I’ve started to look at things differently now.

I mean think about it for a second. If a parent, for example, has a relentless pursuing faith in his children, that faith is an investment in that child’s agency and not their helplessness.

I’ve realized that if we spend our time constantly looking at the horizon for a rescue boat, we forget how to swim. My reliance on an outside force used to be rooted in a kind of underlying fear. A “please don’t let anything bad happen” or “if i don’t do this right i’ll be punished by God” mentality. But that isn’t faith, it is quite literally a hostage situation. (Also it’s super not helpful for those who have intrusive thoughts and the like.)

Now, I aim for coexistence with fear.

Essentially, if we spend more time preparing ourselves for the waves, the “bad” seasons won’t feel quite as devastating.

When you strengthen your own spirit and take ownership of your preparation, you honor the potential you were gifted.

Does that take God out of the equation?

For some, sure. For me? Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. It made me hyper-aware of the things that I believe God has done to show his presence and power in my life.

The miracles will still happen. The grace will still fall.

I still royally screw things up every day; I am human, and you are too. Remind yourself of that, say it out loud the next time you feel that you have let yourself down, or if the barrage of bullshit doesn’t seem to stop coming your way: “I am a human, I am allowed to fuck up.”

The question you then have to ask yourself when the next tide comes in is simple:

Will the wave swallow you whole, or have you prepared yourself to ride it?

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…with a fresh episode featuring Curley Lawson! Curley is a LICSW — Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker

We’re extremely excited about this upcoming series of episodes.

Join Josh as he talks with licensed therapist and retired Airforce veteran Curley Lawson, exploring his early life, battling poverty, joining the Airforce, and how these experiences have shaped his identity as a therapist today.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

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Check out our website: https://winthenight.org

Substack: https://winthenight.blog

Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

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Josh catches up with fellow Marines Josh McGee, Osvaldo Gomez, Arthur Cano, Armando Vega, and Omar Cedasero!

The group talks about their time in boot camp, their life outside of the military, what it's like to work through trauma, and apply the lessons learned in their day-to-day lives.

💬 Let us know what resonated with you in the comments!

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🔗 Follow more of our story:

Website: https://winthenight.org
Substack: https://winthenight.blog
Instagram: https://instagram.com/@win_the_night

This channel is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace therapy or serve as legal advice.

Some days, the world really feels like it’s testing your patience. Everything is loud, everyone is in a big hurry, and you are just trying to hold it together.

Then, quietly, a little “sprinkle” lands. It is one of those almost invisible moments that jolts you with a small hint of hope. Not usually a big win or a grand gesture, just proof that somehow, you haven’t completely lost your connection to what matters.

That one random smile from a stranger? Yeah, that counts.

You ever walk through the grocery store and lock eyes with someone on accident?

Maybe they hold your gaze for half a second longer than you are usually comfortable with, but it makes you break into a genuine smile this time.

It seems small, but it sticks with you.

Or you are rushing on a rainy morning, and someone actually lets you merge in traffic without a fight. What a fucking guy.

These are not headline worthy moments. Still, they are the soft reminders that the world is not always as harsh as it sometimes feels.

A quick wave, a “love you” text from a friend at just the right moment, even if it comes out of nowhere. That counts. I’d argue it counts more than we realize.

What exactly are sprinkles, anyway?

Sprinkles are the tiny, unexpected joys that don’t scream for your attention. They are that cool breeze coming in when your room is too hot.

The smell of bread baking somewhere nearby. The feeling of clean socks, or the exact right song landing on your playlist after a rough morning.

No one walks around making a big show of these moments. They are so ordinary you might not even tell anyone about them unless they compound quickly.

But if you pause, you know: they are just for you. Proof that something good slipped through. A sprinkle is the universe gently reminding you “hey, you are still alive, and being alive will absolutely sweeten up when you least expect it.”

Why we stop noticing them…

Somewhere along the way, stress snuck in and tried to convince us that only the big stuff counts. When you are juggling a messy inbox, a tired brain, or too much scrolling, those tiny joys get blurry.

Routine dulls the edges of things, too. You start taking what is steady and good for granted, focusing on the next thing that needs fixing.

Life rarely shouts about the small stuff. If you are deep in your own thoughts or buried under anxiety, those little sprinkles can pass right by, and nobody blames you for missing them.

How to spot them again (without trying too hard):

The good news is you do not need some huge mindfulness practice or a notebook full of gratitude entries. You do not even have to slow down for long.

Maybe it is just noticing the cool side of the pillow before you fall asleep, or the way a dog in the park lets its ears flop around. Let yourself linger on those details for even a breath or two.

This is not about forcing happiness. Just let the nice things land when they want to, and maybe give them a second of your actual attention.

That’s all it takes for a sprinkle to do its work.

Sometimes the sprinkles are the point.

Everything does not have to lead somewhere huge. Sometimes the mini joys, the sprinkles, are the reason you get through a rough patch.

One tiny flash of kindness, comfort, or stillness can bring your guard down. It does not fix everything, but it helps you remember there is still sweetness here.

Maybe today, noticing that is plenty.

You never have to go looking for sprinkles nonstop. Most will keep sprinklin’ on down, even if you are half-closed to them.

Seeing one today is enough. 💖

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In this episode of Win The Night, Tim Bohner, creator of Stronghold Father, returns to discuss his journey of healing, personal growth, and the power of surrender.

Tim’s Mission:

Tim Bohner’s purpose is to help men who have faced trauma and addiction realize that healing is necessary to prevent past hurts from impacting their families and future generations. He aims to share his message through social media, personal training, and consulting to plant seeds of change in others.

With my 30th birthday just a couple of months away, I am shocked at both how quickly it went by and how much I have lived in just 3 decades. In some senses, I feel as though I have lived a few lifetimes rather than just one, with the 4th lifetime currently underway.

Throughout my life, I have heard things like "you are so mature for your age," or after talking about the things I've experienced, people asking me "how old are you again?" and being shocked by my response. The most recent time was when my barber finally asked how old I was when I told him I had bought my first house recently. At this point, my barber has known me for a couple of years, and finally he said, "so you lived through your parents' divorce, the new family, then having a career in the Marines, a career as a technician, then a manager, then sales, then you got into medical equipment, then you started a podcast, and now you're a homeowner and you're not even 30? You have the life experience of someone in their 40s."

The funny thing is, that's not even the full story. That's just what we've talked about. That's when it finally dawned on me that maybe that's not as common as I imagined. Maybe most people's environments don't change as often as mine have. I had one of my Marine friends say, "every time we meet up, you're driving a different car, working at a different job, and living in a different place. You're constantly doing something. You're here, there, and everywhere in between."

I guess that's just it—that is how I have survived an unstable upbringing. Staying put for too long was dangerous. The upside is that pattern of behavior made me extremely capable and reliable. I naturally found myself in leadership roles early in life. The downside is my trust in others was virtually nonexistent. I learned that I could only rely on myself, and trusting others would only end in disappointment. I also surrounded myself with people who struggled to do the things I was good at, which meant I would feel needed, but at the same time, my needs would not be met.

It's something I still struggle with and am doing my best to be aware of when I spot it. That way, I can start taking small opportunities to ask for help. Nowadays, you'll see at least another person helping me work on some of the projects I have going on currently. It has been one of the biggest changes of my life.

If I knew I wasn't going to wake up tomorrow, I wouldn't be too disappointed. While life has chewed me up quite a bit, I find myself time and time again impressed by how far I keep making it. Listen to me, talking like it's almost over. I guess that's just the crazy part....I'm not even 30.

Josh and Dylan delve into topics like self-care after loss, the importance of genuine human connection over surface-level conversations, and how accepting responsibility and focusing on daily growth can lead to profound personal change, even amidst immense suffering.

Dylan also discusses his goal of opening a holistic healing center and the power of asking whether an action is truly “healing or coping.”

Check out more of Dylan’s Story: https://instagram.com/continue2work

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There is a weird, pervasive quietness hanging over everything right now. I don’t mean a literal silence. The world is as loud as ever with noise, content, and distractions. But there is a silence between people.

We are physically back in the world. We go to dinners, we show up at the office, we navigate crowds. But the connective tissue that actually makes a society function still feels missing.

Something went offline

Sometime after 2020, we came back outside and realized something felt off. Not in a dramatic, everything-is-doomed way. Just enough to notice. Conversations felt heavier. Reaching out felt loaded. The easy stuff stopped being easy.

A lot of that comes down to repetition. Or the lack of it.

When the small, low-pressure interactions disappeared, people didn’t just lose time together. They lost rhythm. The casual check-ins. The quick repairs. The moments where you practice being human without turning it into a whole emotional event. Those moments did quiet work, and their absence shows.

Now a normal text can feel strangely high-stakes. A simple “hey” gets weighed before it’s sent.

Are they busy? Are they annoyed? Am I interrupting something?

Do I need a reason that sounds better than missing someone?

It seems silly written out like that. It still shapes behavior.

We got used to distance.

Before everything shut down, there was a flow to how people stayed connected. If something felt off, it usually got addressed. If you missed someone, you reached out. It didn’t require bravery. It was kind of ordinary.

That ordinary took a hit.

People are tired now. Guarded. Protective of their energy.

It makes sense given how many people ran themselves into the ground trying to hold everything together at once.

Over time, the distance stopped feeling temporary. It settled in. The walls that went up for survival stayed up because no one ever got a signal that it was safe to lower them.

So communication became cautious. Slower. More intentional. Sometimes too intentional.

Things quietly fall apart.

Most relationships are not ending in dramatic fashion. They are thinning out.

Messages slow down. Plans stop happening. The connection fades without a clear moment where anyone can point and say, “That’s where it broke.”

What usually disappears first is repair language.

“I’m sorry I was short with you.”

“I’ve been a little off lately.”

“I miss you.”

“Can we reset?”

Those sentences are unremarkable. They are also essential. The goal is to keep your relationships flexible, instead of brittle.

Without checking in, people start guessing. Distance turns into interpretation. Interpretation hardens into stories. Someone pulls back, and the safest move feels like pulling back too.

Pride shows up. Or fatigue. Or sometimes even the belief that connections should never feel effortful.

But…Effort has always been part of it. The difference is whether anyone is willing to name it.

Saying the thing

Honesty feels riskier when it hasn’t been practiced. Most interaction now lives in filtered spaces where tone is managed and responses are optional, face-to-face or real-time communication doesn’t come with those buffers.

That makes hesitation kiiiiind of understandable.

Silence, though, doesn’t correct course. Distance doesn’t close itself especially because waiting rarely ever gives clarity. Reconnection usually starts with one person choosing to speak first; nothing crazy, most of the time it’s just as simple as someone saying hi after some time apart.

Vulnerability still works the same way it always has. It creates movement where there was stagnation.

We didn’t forget how to talk because something is wrong with us, we just literally didn’t have to do it as often for like… a while. It was like a weird global reset of our brains when it comes to socialization wether good or bad.

Personally I think that the quiet isn’t keeping anyone safe. It’s just keeping people apart.

So I now choose to say the thing. Not because it guarantees the outcome I want, but because leaving it unsaid guarantees nothing at all.

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This Chapter we want to open (and continue!) the conversations in ways we have thought about here for a while. Matter experts, regular recurring conversations, and deeper dives into our communities personal stories.

If you’d like to be a guest on Win The Night and share your story, click here to schedule a call with Josh (:

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I find myself looking for the “right time” to break my silence, but what I realize I’m doing is simply waiting for a moment in which I have things more “figured out”.

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I don’t think I’d be doing my journey any favors if I didnt share the parts in which I struggled the most. I now understand why for generations my family members before me did not want to turn and face this monster.

As we speak, I am experiencing my family’s backlash…

As we speak, I am experiencing my family’s backlash to me openly speaking my truth and saying out loud that I was neglected and abused, something that i have only recently gained the courage to say out loud through these past few years of therapy. In my family telling your truth is bad mouthing if other family members aren’t spoken of favorably. That is why Win The Night exists.

It’s sole purpose is to create a space in which people can openly speak their truths without fear of rejection. That from the many guests we speak with, a community will rise to be there for each other if their families abandon them for speaking about their pain openly.

I want people to know that I know that fear and pain intimately.

When the story is written I want the record to show that as Win The Night was being produced I was walking this path myself.

My goal has been from the beginning to prove that the generational trauma chains can be broken, and are worth breaking for the inner child that is still looking for the unconditional love they never felt.

“If I could just have that…”

Fortunately, I have my feet anchored beneath me. The one thing I requested to the universe when I started this journey was to allow me to live in a peaceful home. A home in which I gained energy, not lost it.

If I could just have that, I would be willing to take on whatever this journey demanded.

Back in October, I bought my first house.

I have been doing a lot of work to prepare the podcast studio, and lots of little upgrades the house was overdue for. These victories have made this journey worth enduring.

Not to mention the many guests that have courageously come forward to share their truths already since we started Win The Night.

This is how I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Next season of Win The Night is on its way. Hope to see you guys there!

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I want to create more short-form comedy content on YouTube. I want to produce full-length, high-quality short films for Win The Night one day, too...

I also want to start writing here on Substack again, whether daily or at least weekly.

But I haven’t done any of it because, honestly, I keep telling myself, “I haven’t really thought about it.”

I put that phrase in quotes not because it’s a lie or anything, but because I find myself repeatedly arriving at that realization, over and over, about so many things that others might never forget or overlook.

There are days I even forget to shower. Yes, forget to shower. If you can’t relate to that, for the love of God, be thankful for it.

That phrase, “I haven’t really thought about it,” has become all too common in my life lately. I’ve tried to improve and get better at things, but at some point, the only thing that seems to work is building tools and systems that help me accomplish what I need to do.

I build tools that help move me forward.

Like writing... The only reason I keep writing is because I’ve been quietly developing a note-taking web app called Noteily. (Admittedly I created it mainly to convince @JoshuaLopez to start writing on our Substack LOL)

We discussed what he wanted and what I wanted, and together, we ended up creating what I believe is the perfect notes app for casual, calm writing. That project gave me a renewed sense of purpose to write.

It also provided free bug testing and quality assurance training for yours truly.

Through this process, I learned how healing it can be to write and share my thoughts openly with the world. And to build stuff! From a teamwork perspective, it showed me how much my ideas are valued by others.

There’s power in creating.

It’s an incredibly empowering tool—one I wish more people would take advantage of in their lives. Building something that helps you move forward, whether it’s a project, a habit, or a new skill, can be transformative.

Sometimes, all it takes is creating the right tool to unlock your potential and get you back on track.

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