Alexandra, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I agree, I would say letting go happens quietly more often than not. As we speak this is happening for me. External validation often takes priority over our own. Maybe its because as kids we had to abandon ourselves to validate our parents, or our siblings, or our friends. So that now as adults we are still left wondering who will be there to validate that abandoned child that still lives within us.
What you mentioned about your control also rings true. For me, I discovered in therapy that I was trying to change the outcome of my childhood as an adult with my relationships or friendships. And that subconsciously I was trying to prevent people I cared about from abandoning me as I had felt abandoned as a child. Maybe this isnt the case for you, but it was worth investigating and has led to so much healing in my life. It gave me answers that were difficult to bear, but necessary to grow.
So familiar...
Alexandra, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I agree, I would say letting go happens quietly more often than not. As we speak this is happening for me. External validation often takes priority over our own. Maybe its because as kids we had to abandon ourselves to validate our parents, or our siblings, or our friends. So that now as adults we are still left wondering who will be there to validate that abandoned child that still lives within us.
What you mentioned about your control also rings true. For me, I discovered in therapy that I was trying to change the outcome of my childhood as an adult with my relationships or friendships. And that subconsciously I was trying to prevent people I cared about from abandoning me as I had felt abandoned as a child. Maybe this isnt the case for you, but it was worth investigating and has led to so much healing in my life. It gave me answers that were difficult to bear, but necessary to grow.
Thanks for sharing!